I've Got One Hand In My Pocket, And The Other One's Taking Chemo...

So I'm sitting in a hospital bed getting ready for some Chemo... it's a pretty strange and very surreal feeling, but anyway the hourly live updates probably won't be happening because I'll be receiving high dose Benadryl in about a minute here and it will most likely knock me out. Just to give a couple of updates.... I originally thought that I'd be getting treatment every 3 weeks, but my spleen decided to go ahead and be extra Cancery so I'm going to have to get treatment every two weeks. Also, some heart tests they did on me came back with a possible problem. I may not have enough blood being pumped out of my heart, so I have to have more tests to see if that's something to be concerned with or not. There's a thought that it could just be due to an inaccurate test machine. I thought that maybe a piece of sausage was stuck in a valve, but no luck. So, as for Chemo... you don't actually get called in to receive it for at least an hour after your appointment time. After that you get an IV with saline, two anti-nausea drips, you take 2 Tylenol, 1 Anti-Nausea pill, and a bag of Benadryl. The first 3 types of Chemo will take a total of 45 minutes, the last drug, Rituxin, will take about 6 hours. Outside of of hearing I might have a heart problem, I was most surprised at how many pills I'll have to take each day. AND I've never been in a place where they care about constipation so much. Everyone here keeps saying that I need to "move my bowels" everyday. The last drug will be Predisone which is a steroid and I'll be getting a very very high dose of it, there's usually a feeling to Euphoria associated with it... can't wait for that. One of the drugs I'll have to take after treatment is a needle of Neulasta to help my blood cell count, and I may have to administer it myself. I'll film that if I do. I'll write more in the next couple of days, I'm pretty tired from the Benadryl. Thanks everyone for the well wishes, they mean the world.

So, I went to a Sperm Bank.....

Yes, you read that correctly. Chemo has a slight chance of permanently taking away my baby makers, so I had to go to a sperm bank. I normally wouldn't write about something like that since it's really weird and I have relatives that read this blog, so I have no plans of getting to detailed if you know what I mean. You can find that entry at www.feedthegeese.com (just kidding, I have no clue if that website exists). Anyway, I had to go in to NYC for the "deposit" and didn't really know what to expect. My only reference was the movie "Road Trip" where the guy that plays Stifler gets brought in to a room by a hot nurse. This couldn't have been more different from that. The place I went to was a very small office with a waiting room (which was empty) and a secretary sitting at the desk. If you ever want to feel uncomfortable, just go sit in the silence of a waiting room at a sperm bank where a young lady is sitting at the reception desk. I asked her if she felt as uncomfortable as I do and she said she didn't, but unless she was in the porn industry I'd imagine it would be tough not to feel uncomfortable. Eventually a doctor enters the waiting room and gives you the low down as far as what testing goes on, the storage of everything, and some pricing. After that, the doctor walks you to a room and show's you where everything is. The doctor closes the door and there you are, all alone, with only one thing to do. To answer the most obvious question, yes there are magazines and DVD's and a plastic cup sitting on a table. I took the first 5-10 minutes just taking everything in and giggling. There are DVD's for every "taste" with the exception of Gay Porn. There's a chair that slightly reclines and a protective covering over it. The weirdest part was probably the fact that you can hear the secretary shuffling her papers and talking on the phone while you're in the room. That completely took away the option of putting on a DVD. I completed my mission. After walking out of the room the secretary's desk is right in front of you and she just looked up at me. I wasn't sure what to do so I asked her if I was supposed to smoke a cigarette. She kind of laughed, but not too much. I paid the bill and she said I should call the next day. I asked if that was so the the plastic cup didn't think I just used it for the night and don't plan on calling even though I said I would. She laughed a little more, but still not a lot. She's probably heard every joke possible about that situation anyway. So, that was it, that's what it's like. It's very uncomfortable, unromantic, and to the point. In an update since my last blog posting, my people finally received an answer from my cancer's people regarding my offering of becoming fat on my own instead of cancer/chemo doing it. Their response came in the form of an envelope and in that envelope was only one thing. A cut out of Telly Savalas' head crudely taped to the body of Dom Deluise... Touche Lymphoma, Touche.

C-H-E-M-O and Chemo was his name-o!

So yesterday's 9 month check up was pretty much the equivalent of George W. Bush's tenure as president: Too long, lots of bad news, lots of head shaking (left to right, not up and down), a constant feeling of "this sucks" was felt, and we couldn't wait for it to be over. It turns out the tumors (lymphnodes) in my abdomen decided to start growing some more. There are actually a lot of tumors in my abdomen and while science can completely refute this, I feel as though they are the main cause of my gut and weight gain. It has nothing to do with poor eating and lack of exercise, it's all about the tumors. Anyway, my doctor decided that now would be a good time for me to start chemotherapy. If there is any good news to come out of this, the whole idea behind monitoring my cancer's progression was to catch it in that moment before it gets out of control and treat it at that time. It looks like we've done that and my doctor feels pretty good about my chances for remission. With that said, there's no way for him to know whether the remission will last for 8 months or 8 years. The median duration of remission for someone like me is 5 years, but there are cases on both sides of the spectrum in which people have lasted less than 5 years and much more than 5 years. I offered up an idea for a clinical trial in which they test the duration of remission in a patient receiving this chemo (me) while this person lives in Blacksburg, VA for free during football season, gets a luxury box at the games, and gets to be a guest coach for one call a game and choose the next play. The secondary endpoint of the study would be to see how many consecutive days I would enjoy a 1 hour full body massage while on chemo. I feel as though this would be a pivotal study in the social and emotional aspects of cancer treatment. Unfortunately it fell on deaf ears. I have a PET Scan coming up and that will help determine the exact treatment I'll get but it's most likely going to be something called R-CHOP. And guess what, one of the side effects is weight gain. Not weight loss like most chemo patients, but weight freaking gain. I plan on extending an olive branch to my cancer and let it know that if it's plan this entire time was to make me fatter, we can call it even right now and I'll gladly do it myself if it decides to leave. As of the time of this posting my people have not heard back from it's people. If R-CHOP is chosen, it will last 18 weeks and I'll receive treatment every 3 weeks, with the first treatment either on 6/19 or 6/20. In an ironic twist of fate, I'll be the first of my many balding friends to actually go bald after easily having the best hairline and most hair out of them for the last 28 years. I'm sure I'll have many many more postings after chemo starts and am going to attempt an hour by hour live update of my 1st or 2nd treatment. Well, I'm sorry this post wasn't as joyful as the previous ones, but this was bound to happen eventually. I'll write more when I get more info about what's going on. Thanks!!!

6 Month Check-Up

So I just had the sixth month check up and it all went well! My platelets actually went up to 140k and my doctor said I'm in slightly better condition than last time, which of course can change at any moment. I know I've talked about what it's like when the doctor comes in the room, but I don't think I've mentioned what the vibe is like in the room before the oncologist comes in. First off a nurse come in and takes my blood pressure (which is generally good, but a little high because I'm about 30 minutes from finding out if my cancer is better/worse), takes my temperature, and then weighs me (which is always demeaning, and the nurse actually laughed a little at me today). Then we just wait there for the oncologist or his co-worker to come in. The following clip is pretty much how my parents, Kristin and I sound when talking during that time between the nurse and oncologist.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfZ8yVcnLPs Not much else to add here, but I want to thank everyone that has given money to the Hike For Discovery. Some of you made some truly incredible donations, but all of them have meant a lot to me. I'll try and keep the updates a little bit more frequent then before. Thanks.

Heavy Breathing For Discovery

Hey Everyone... it's been a while since I last wrote, so I apologize for that, but nothing too exciting has happened. I have my next visit on 2/7 for some blood tests, so I'll be able to give some more info then. This post is about a Fundraising event that myself, Kristin and our two friends Sara and Chris are doing. It's called Hike For Discovery and it's raising money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. It's a long ass hike in the Rocky Mountains in June and I need to raise $4,500 to do it. That definitely seems like a large number, but I'm more concerned with the actual hike. I've gone on a few mini-hikes before, but I'm not a Hippie so I've never gone on a long, multiple hours, multiple miles, and multiple thousands of feet in elevation kind of hike. The training for this hike is pretty much every weekend and I have to buy a ridiculous pair of high top hiking boots. What will most likely get me through the entire hike will not be the feeling I'll get when we reach the summit, not the determination to not let cancer hold me back from such a physical feat, not the fear of letting everyone down that donates money to the cause, but one simple thing: The pure joy of watching my beautiful wife to be, Kristin, get the shit scared out of her every time she hears a noise from the forest. She's scared to death of a bear/mountain lion attack. So scared that she's going to buy something actually named "Bear Repellent". It sounds like something that should be on Batman's utility belt and I don't think she'd be able to get it open in time to stop a bear anyway, but she will probably be the first and last person in the world to buy that stuff, which by all estimations is just water. Now for the part I hate, here's the website I have if you'd like to donate money to Hike for Discovery and towards my goal of $4,500. You can donate $1 or $1,000,000 or whatever, I'd greatly appreciate anyone giving away any amount of money they earn for something that can help people. Here's the link: www.active.com/donate/hfdnonj/lymphomawedgie I'm going to always put this website up on the top of the blog so it doesn't get lost in the updates. Thanks ahead of time to anyone who donates and I'll post another update after my appointment on the 7th. Go Hokies.

What The Tests Feel Like

As promised from about 2 months ago, I wanted to describe what each of the different tests feel like. There are pretty much only 4 tests that get done: PET Scan, CAT Scan, Lymph Node Biopsy and a Bone Marrow Biopsy. They are done at different frequencies depending on the disease state. A Lymph Node Biopsy is done to confirm whether or not you have cancer, the bone marrow biopsy does the same, a PET Scan shows where in your body the cancer is and a CAT Scan shows the sizes of your lymph nodes or tumors. So on to the specifics:

Lymph Node Biopsy: I've had two of these, one was under general anasthesia and one was with local (just a few injections of novacane). If ever again I get the option to have something done under general anasthesia or local, I'm going with local. With the local surgery I was able to walk out of the office and drive home. I was useless for a few days after general. There's some pain after the surgery but I never needed pain killers and since both of mine were in the groin area it was tough to walk, bend over and sit down for a few days. There's also a good amount of swelling and bruising for a few weeks. You get the results in about 3-4 days (of longer if you go to a crappy surgeon with a crappy lab, like my first one) This is a link to an actual inguinal (groin) lymph node biopsy. it's pretty graphic so you may not want to watch and you need a You Tube ID to watch it, but it's interesting. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulfNSnawIws .As a side note, my lymph node was not as big as this one and that's a very good thing.

CAT Scan: I've had 1 of these so far and It kind of sucked. The actual test was short but you have to drink about a quart of a mixture of a medicine and Crystal Light. It was raspberry flavored and wasn't half bad, but you don't have long to drink it and if you drink it too fast you get nauseaus. So after you've drank this stuff you pull your pants down and lay on a table. At your feet is a big circle that you slide in and out of. I'll try to describe this tastefully, it's like you're an ice pop and the circle is your mouth and you're moving in and out of it... and the ice pop's name is "Richard". Once you lay down and the machine is calibrated they put an IV in to you that allows for a better picture. They say that it will give you a warm feeling in some places and may make you feel a little sick. As soon as the nurse said that, my chest caught fire and it moved throughout my body and then stopped. That all happened in like 20 seconds. But THEN, the nausea started and didn't stop till later that night. I was able to get through it without vomiting, but it was very close to this scene....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STB4s7Qhf40 . You get these results in 2-3 days depending on the lab.

PET Scan: This one is pretty basic. You have to drink a chalky milkshake like drink about an hour before it and then you get an IV of some radioactive stuff, but it doesn't make you feel weird. You go in to a machine very similar to the perverted CAT Scan machine. You can get these tests back in a day or two.

Bone Marrow Biopsy: This is the biggie. There's no one way to describe it, but it doesn't feel good. Some people say that it's the worst pain they've ever experienced, but I'd imagine that natural child birth or some major injury would certainly feel worse. Kristin came in to the room with me and watched it and by the way it felt, I bet it looked pretty wild. The doctor's started the procedure by saying that it would hurt and kind of described what would happen and which parts would hurt. The place that bone marrow biopsies are most often taken is the pelvis, which is the lower back. They can numb the skin and the periosteum (the layer of nerves around your bones that causes pain when you break one) but they can't numb inside your bones. So it begins with a needle and novocaine in the small of your back. It's a pinch and a burn, probably what it feels like to pee with the Clap, but it's on your lower back. Then another needle is put in and put in the peritoneum around the bone. When the doctor put this needle in he had trouble getting to the spot he needed it to be and while he was pulling the needle out it he kept the pressure on the needle and the contents exploded all over my back and Kristin's face. At first I thought my bone exploded, but then I realized that only an jackass would think that and we all laughed. Anyway, the needles hurt a little worse than normal needles, but it's tolerable. After the novocaine is working they get a larger needle and use it to puncture your bone so that they can withdraw some bone marrow. Here's a short clip of part of that, you can kind of see how much pressure is needed to get that second needle through the bone. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGSPMkQ6Qk4 . This part doesn't hurt all that much, it just feels like a ton of pressure on your lower back. Once the needle is in the bone they aspirate or suction out bone marrow. This is the real crappy and painful part of the procedure. The best way to describe it would be to say that it's like the feeling you get for that split second after you twist your ankle or that split second feeling you get after you bite your lip, and extend it for about 10 seconds. I think they did two rounds of that. The last step is to actually remove a very small corkscrew like section of your bone. They insert another instrument and just like opening a bottle of wine, they turn the instrument in your back and pull out the part of bone they need. Here's another video of a bone marrow biopsy. This one is really weird, but it gives you a sense of the discomfort from the guys face during certain times. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGVN4i7vczI&feature=related. You get the results from this test in 4 days or so.

Well, that's the best way I can describe what they're like. This was a little less about humor and I tried to make it informative for anyone that gets lymphoma because this info was some of the most frequent things I asked about. Not sure what I'll write about next, but I'll try to write something before my 2/7 doctors appointment.

Another quick Way to Help

If you read that Newsweek article and want to add your name to a petition, you can do so here. You just have to type in your name, town, state and zip. http://www.lymphomation.org/CMS-endorse-RIT.htm Thanks!!!!!