What The Tests Feel Like

As promised from about 2 months ago, I wanted to describe what each of the different tests feel like. There are pretty much only 4 tests that get done: PET Scan, CAT Scan, Lymph Node Biopsy and a Bone Marrow Biopsy. They are done at different frequencies depending on the disease state. A Lymph Node Biopsy is done to confirm whether or not you have cancer, the bone marrow biopsy does the same, a PET Scan shows where in your body the cancer is and a CAT Scan shows the sizes of your lymph nodes or tumors. So on to the specifics:

Lymph Node Biopsy: I've had two of these, one was under general anasthesia and one was with local (just a few injections of novacane). If ever again I get the option to have something done under general anasthesia or local, I'm going with local. With the local surgery I was able to walk out of the office and drive home. I was useless for a few days after general. There's some pain after the surgery but I never needed pain killers and since both of mine were in the groin area it was tough to walk, bend over and sit down for a few days. There's also a good amount of swelling and bruising for a few weeks. You get the results in about 3-4 days (of longer if you go to a crappy surgeon with a crappy lab, like my first one) This is a link to an actual inguinal (groin) lymph node biopsy. it's pretty graphic so you may not want to watch and you need a You Tube ID to watch it, but it's interesting. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulfNSnawIws .As a side note, my lymph node was not as big as this one and that's a very good thing.

CAT Scan: I've had 1 of these so far and It kind of sucked. The actual test was short but you have to drink about a quart of a mixture of a medicine and Crystal Light. It was raspberry flavored and wasn't half bad, but you don't have long to drink it and if you drink it too fast you get nauseaus. So after you've drank this stuff you pull your pants down and lay on a table. At your feet is a big circle that you slide in and out of. I'll try to describe this tastefully, it's like you're an ice pop and the circle is your mouth and you're moving in and out of it... and the ice pop's name is "Richard". Once you lay down and the machine is calibrated they put an IV in to you that allows for a better picture. They say that it will give you a warm feeling in some places and may make you feel a little sick. As soon as the nurse said that, my chest caught fire and it moved throughout my body and then stopped. That all happened in like 20 seconds. But THEN, the nausea started and didn't stop till later that night. I was able to get through it without vomiting, but it was very close to this scene....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STB4s7Qhf40 . You get these results in 2-3 days depending on the lab.

PET Scan: This one is pretty basic. You have to drink a chalky milkshake like drink about an hour before it and then you get an IV of some radioactive stuff, but it doesn't make you feel weird. You go in to a machine very similar to the perverted CAT Scan machine. You can get these tests back in a day or two.

Bone Marrow Biopsy: This is the biggie. There's no one way to describe it, but it doesn't feel good. Some people say that it's the worst pain they've ever experienced, but I'd imagine that natural child birth or some major injury would certainly feel worse. Kristin came in to the room with me and watched it and by the way it felt, I bet it looked pretty wild. The doctor's started the procedure by saying that it would hurt and kind of described what would happen and which parts would hurt. The place that bone marrow biopsies are most often taken is the pelvis, which is the lower back. They can numb the skin and the periosteum (the layer of nerves around your bones that causes pain when you break one) but they can't numb inside your bones. So it begins with a needle and novocaine in the small of your back. It's a pinch and a burn, probably what it feels like to pee with the Clap, but it's on your lower back. Then another needle is put in and put in the peritoneum around the bone. When the doctor put this needle in he had trouble getting to the spot he needed it to be and while he was pulling the needle out it he kept the pressure on the needle and the contents exploded all over my back and Kristin's face. At first I thought my bone exploded, but then I realized that only an jackass would think that and we all laughed. Anyway, the needles hurt a little worse than normal needles, but it's tolerable. After the novocaine is working they get a larger needle and use it to puncture your bone so that they can withdraw some bone marrow. Here's a short clip of part of that, you can kind of see how much pressure is needed to get that second needle through the bone. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGSPMkQ6Qk4 . This part doesn't hurt all that much, it just feels like a ton of pressure on your lower back. Once the needle is in the bone they aspirate or suction out bone marrow. This is the real crappy and painful part of the procedure. The best way to describe it would be to say that it's like the feeling you get for that split second after you twist your ankle or that split second feeling you get after you bite your lip, and extend it for about 10 seconds. I think they did two rounds of that. The last step is to actually remove a very small corkscrew like section of your bone. They insert another instrument and just like opening a bottle of wine, they turn the instrument in your back and pull out the part of bone they need. Here's another video of a bone marrow biopsy. This one is really weird, but it gives you a sense of the discomfort from the guys face during certain times. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGVN4i7vczI&feature=related. You get the results from this test in 4 days or so.

Well, that's the best way I can describe what they're like. This was a little less about humor and I tried to make it informative for anyone that gets lymphoma because this info was some of the most frequent things I asked about. Not sure what I'll write about next, but I'll try to write something before my 2/7 doctors appointment.